Lyndsey Fry is only 27 years old, but she’s already accomplished more than many people attempt in a lifetime. She played Division 1 Women’s Ice Hockey and graduated from Harvard University and holds an MBA from Arizona State University. She also won a silver medal as a member of the Team USA Women’s Ice Hockey Team at the 2014 Winter Olympics in Socci. After college she launched her own business—Lyndsey Fry Hockey—where she trains the next generation of women’s hockey players at camps around the country.
An advocate for women and girls hockey the Hockey Ambassador and Advisor to the President/CEO for the Arizona Coyotes, a member of the NHL’s first Female Hockey Advisory Committee and was a part of a team that brought the Professional Women’s Hockey Players Association to Arizona. She’s also a speaker, mental performance coach and hosts the podcast The Lyndsey Fry Hockey Audio Experience. Today we dig into how she overcome adversity to become one of women’s ice hockey’s most important trailblazers.
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PODCAST TRANSCRIPTION:
Welcome to the Brian Cain Mental Performance Mastery Podcast, where, today, our guest, Lyndsey Fry, is a young 27 years old. But, don’t be confused, she’s already accomplished more than many people attempt in a lifetime. She played Division One women’s ice hockey at Harvard University where she earned a degree of history of science and holds an MBA from Arizona State University. She’s a silver medalist for the Team USA women’s ice hockey in the Sochi Olympics in 2014. After college, she launched her own business, Lyndsey Fry Hockey, where she trains the next generation of women’s hockey players at camps all over the country. An advocate for women and girls hockey, the hockey ambassador and advisor to the president and CEO for the Arizona Coyotes, a member of the NHL’s first female hockey advisory committee, Lyndsey was a part of a team that brought professional women’s hockey to Arizona. She’s also a speaker, a mental performance mastery coach, and she hosts her own podcast, The Lyndsey Fry Hockey Audio Experience. Lyndsey Fry, thanks for joining us on the Brian Cain Podcast.
Lyndsey Fry:
Thanks for having me, Brian. Appreciate it.
Brian Cain:
Glad you could be with us. To get us started, we know that you grew up in Arizona. It’s not really a place known as a hot bed for women’s ice hockey. At the time, when you got started, it’s my understanding that there were only 20 women in the entire State of Arizona that played ice hockey. Is that right?
Lyndsey Fry:
Yeah. When I was born, I think there were less than 20 and that was back in 1992, and that was ages six all the way up through 19, so a huge age range in a huge state. We had that small of a number, so definitely not a common sport for girls here in Arizona when I was younger.
Brian Cain:
What made you want to pursue ice hockey growing up in Arizona?
Lyndsey Fry:
I actually happened to fall in love with the The Mighty Ducks movies, especially the second one. I loved it, that was the one where they played for Team USA. It all was fitting. My dad was actually commuting back and forth to Southern California at the time. I got to go to some real Mighty Ducks’ games in Anaheim, which fueled that. Finally, the parents got me these Fisher-Price plastic skates that I would strap on my shoes. I’d skate up and down the driveway for hours, put a stick in my hands, and I was hooked.
Brian Cain:
Once you started playing hockey, growing up in the State of Arizona where there’s 20 girls ice hockey players in the entire state, obviously, you had to start playing hockey somewhere and you started playing with the boys. How did playing with boys at a younger age shape you as a young hockey player?
Lyndsey Fry:
Yeah. Like you said, it was really my only option. I’m really fortunate that I was the kind of young girl that it didn’t phase me at all.
Lyndsey Fry:
I identified as a hockey player really early on. I didn’t really care if that meant I had to play with boys, dogs, cats. I didn’t care who I was playing with, I just wanted to play the game. I loved it so much. But, I think, as I’ve gotten older, it has really made a huge impact. I think it’s really helped me build my confidence as a woman because, a lot of women, I think, or girls shy away from being around the boys, especially at younger ages. They’re typically louder, more confident, more aggressive out on the ice.
Lyndsey Fry:
Some girls really clam up and shy away. I loved it. When I was growing up, we could start checking at the age of 11. I’ve been 5’8″ since I was about 11, so I was about a foot taller than all the boys. We played full check hockey and I loved every second of it. I don’t know, I think I grew a really thick skin, had a lot of boys say some really interesting things to me. I learned the C word when I was about nine. I don’t know, I think you build a different type of confidence. As I’ve transitioned into a business career, the reality is there are still a lot of men in the boardrooms. I think it’s really helped shape my ability to have those hard conversations with men, stand up for myself. I think it’s just really helped shape me as a person.
Brian Cain:
There’s been a lot of hard work that you’ve put in, whether it’s on the ice or off the ice. You ended up playing at one of the most prestigious universities in the world, in Harvard University, where you graduated with a degree in history of science. What was it like attending an Ivy League institution, Harvard, and balancing being a Division One college athlete? For the listeners, when Lyndsey was playing women’s ice hockey at Harvard, they were competing for national championships. They were one of the top programs in the country. Not only is she getting one of the best degrees available, she’s playing at the highest level of college sports and training to go out for the Olympics. Lyndsey, what was it like attending Harvard and trying to balancing all of the studies and all of the athletics that you were invested in?
Lyndsey Fry:
Well, my freshman year, it was a total train wreck. I’ll start there. In high school, I switched to online school my sophomore year… or my junior year, excuse me. I’m used to being able to go to school in my underwear, make my own schedule, do my classes whenever I feel like it. Due dates were loose.
Lyndsey Fry:
Now, all of a sudden, I’m at Harvard University. On top of that, now, I’m coming in as this cocky kid from the West thinking like, “I’m going to be a first-liner.” I didn’t train for a day the summer before my freshman year. All of a sudden, I had this huge shock, not only academically but also with my sport, which was the thing that I was supposed to be the most confident in.
Lyndsey Fry:
I was a third-liner for most of my freshman year, barely struggled to keep my grades up. It was really tough. I think, though, as I evolved and I really mentally learned how to handle all the different elements that going to Harvard and playing a Division One sport brought, it definitely helped me learn how to balance everything. I think one of the biggest things for me, and you and I have talked about it a lot, is just staying present.
Lyndsey Fry:
I remember, my freshman year, I would be stressed about school. I’d be stressed about things at home, I would just be stressed all the time. I’d get out on the ice and I’m not thinking about the drills. I’m thinking about everything else going on in life. I think, as I developed through college, by my sophomore and junior year, I started realizing that, once I’m on the ice, once I’m in the glass, none of that other stuff can matter. I have to lock in and be focused right here, right now because there’s literally nothing I can do about my paper that’s due tomorrow. I think that was one of the biggest things that helped me balance it was just making sure that I was extremely organized, had everything laid out, I know exactly what I needed to do and when, and making sure that, when I was doing something, I was present and I was staying focused on that particular thing rather than obsessing about all the other things, which is what I did my freshman year, and it was a mess.
Brian Cain:
Coming up after the break, Lyndsey explains how she overcame an unbelievable tragedy and use the experience to help inspire others.
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Speaker 6:
During your freshman year, I think it was, you experienced a tragedy and lost a really close teammate and a close friend in a car accident. Could you talk a little bit about that experience and how you were able to manage and overcome that grief to continue your career?
Lyndsey Fry:
Yeah. One of my teammates and extremely close friends from high school who I played with in Colorado, we were line mates, super close, and she got in a car accident two days before Christmas my freshman year and, unfortunately, passed away, and that was, obviously, extremely hard for anybody. But, already having this experience my first semester at Harvard, just feeling really lost, feeling alone, having struggles with adjusting to all of the new challenges of being at college, and away from parents, and all that stuff, then adding that additional layer, it was just like the knife was already in and somebody just twisted it is how it felt. I think the rest of my freshman year was definitely a struggle dealing with that grief, but I think that the turning point for me was actually the summer after my freshman year. Honestly, I don’t really know what did it, but I think I decided one day that, “You know what? This isn’t what Liz is going to want for me.”
Lyndsey Fry:
I was ready to quit hockey, I was done. Going to the rink only brought me pain. It didn’t bring me joy. I think I finally realized that, “You know what? This isn’t who she intended for me to be or wanted me to be.” I wanted to continue to be that teammate for her and live our dreams out for us because she couldn’t live them anymore. I really decided that, “You know what? I’m going to use her memory instead of having it bring me this grief and this depression, I’m going to use it as fuel and use it as energy.” I literally remember training at 11:00 at night because it was the middle of summer in Arizona when I’d be home. I’d be just talking to her out loud in my driveway as I’m doing sprints, just talking to her and imagining everything she’d be saying back to me. It just got me fired up, so I think that that definitely helped. Obviously, the next couple years we’re still a struggle. It’s something that definitely stays with you for a lifetime. But, I think I always just tried to come back to the good memories, and thinking about the times that we would train together, and how we both had this Olympic dream, and we both had this D1 college dream. I think, if I could mentally get myself back to that place of positivity, it helped me stay grounded.
Brian Cain:
I know that one of the things you did to help you stay grounded and stay motivated was you carried one of her jerseys with you. Would you talk a little bit about that and what that was symbolic for you?
Lyndsey Fry:
Yeah, so she passed away my freshman year. I really started making my Olympic push my junior year, so that was really when I started training for the World Championships in 2013, which would be the end of my junior year, that was the first time I had made the national team again since I was 18. There had been this two or three-year hiatus, played in the World Championships in April of 2013. Shortly after that, I get a call from USA Hockey. They said, “Lyndsey, we’ve got Liz’s under 18 team jersey, Team USA jersey.” They said, “We know you’re close to the family, we have a couple different options. We can mail it to them, we can hang it up in her memory at one of the Olympic training centers. But, we figured it would be nice for you to reach out to them and ask them what they would like us to do with it.”
Lyndsey Fry:
I called her mom and we talked about some of the options. I knew that Olympic tryouts were about a month away at that point. We just hemmed and hawed. Finally, her mom said, “Lyndsey, what do you think we should do with it?” I secretly was really waiting for her to ask that question because, as soon as I got the call from USA Hockey, I knew what I wanted. I just asked her, I said, “You know what? If it’s okay with you, I’d really like to carry it with me and carry her with me for as long as this journey goes.” I brought her jersey to Olympic tryouts, I brought it with me throughout the entire training season.
Lyndsey Fry:
I brought it with me to Sochi, so she was there with me the whole time. The story I always tell people with that and the reason it’s even more special is, when we played our last game in high school together, she was committed to go play at Minnesota, I was committed to go play at Harvard. We were sobbing our eyes out because our season ended and we weren’t going to get to play with each other anymore. I remember one of us… I don’t remember who, one of us put our hand on the other one’s leg and we said, “This isn’t it, this isn’t going to be the last time we play with each other. We’re going to work our butts off and we’re going to play on an Olympic team someday.” Obviously, when she passed, that wasn’t a possibility anymore. But, to me, we had a roster of 21 in Sochi. But, in my mind, we had a roster of 22.
Brian Cain:
That’s awesome. Making it to Sochi was not sunshine and roses and the easy path for you by any means.
Lyndsey Fry:
No.
Brian Cain:
November of 2013, you’re preparing for the 2014 Winter Olympics and a Team USA coaching staff member pulls you aside and has a pretty scary conversation with you. Do you remember what that conversation was about?
Lyndsey Fry:
Yup. It was actually right after 4 Nations, which was odd, because, 4 Nations, basically, in a game against Finland that we played very poorly and we lost, I was essentially responsible for two of the goals in the game. But then, the next day, we played against Canada and I scored my very first goal ever against Team Canada. I’m having this conversation, after we’re back from 4 Nations, with our offensive coach. She says, “How do you think you played this past weekend?” I was still so jazzed about the positive, I completely forgot about the fact that two of the goals against Finland were my fault. I go, “I feel like I’m playing pretty well. I got that goal, which felt nice.”
Lyndsey Fry:
I was just coming back from an illness actually. I was like, “Yeah, I feel like I’m getting my feet back.” She goes, “Okay. Well, I wouldn’t agree.” I was like, “Oh, okay.” She goes, “If I’m being completely honest, you better start playing better or you’re not going to make this team.” I was so dumbstruck because, in my mind, this was this great conversation and she was about to pump my tires. In reality, she was telling me, “You better figure it out this next month or you’re off the team,” so that was a really… it was a huge conversation for me.
Lyndsey Fry:
Honestly, the next couple practices weren’t great. I was gripping my stick so tightly, I was so nervous, I was freaking out. My parents had already bought their tickets and their rooms to Sochi, that was a really challenging time. Fortunately, one of the other coaches pulled me aside later and said, “Hey, play your game. When you play your game, you belong on this team. When you start obsessing about everything else, that’s when you struggle.” I remember I finally just said… this was one of our last practices before the holidays. I just decided, “You know what? Regardless of what happens, I just have to be me. I have to play my game and I have to have fun.” It was the first practice the entire Olympic training season that I had actually had fun. I played out of my mind and I remember getting this nod from the coaches. They gave me a look. Honestly, I feel like that’s when I knew like, “Okay, I’m good. I made it, I’m safe.”
Brian Cain:
At this point, Lyndsey, you’re told, “Hey, you got to play well this next month or you’re not going to make this Olympic team,” which has been a big part of your dream as a ice hockey player, your whole life. But, even now, there’s more fuel on the fire to take Liz’s jersey with you to Sochi so you guys get to play that last game together. At this point, all the hard work, all the training, all the time training at 11:00 at night in Arizona when that’s the only time during the day that you can train when you’re home for the summer, all of this is put in risk. You were able to mitigate this risk and actually use this adversity to your advantage, which is something that you’ve talked about doing your entire career. What were some of the mental performance techniques that you used at this time even if you didn’t even know it back when you were a college athlete? Obviously, now, you’re a certified mental performance coach. You could probably look back and say, “This was this technique, this was this technique.” But, at the time, you may not have even known what you were doing. What was it that you did, now that you reflect, that you’d say, “This is what helped me bring my game to the next level and allowed me to make Team USA and be an Olympian.” How’d you manage all that adversity?
Brian Cain:
After the break, we learn how utilizing mental performance techniques helped Lyndsey overcome adversity and take her game and her life to the next level.
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Lyndsey Fry:
Honestly, I think I really found the balance between pursuing the outcome but obsessing about the process. I wouldn’t have put it in those terms five, six years ago, but that’s really, now, I think, how I would identify it. What I mean by that is I obviously had my end goal, which was to make that team. I would do a lot of mental imagery around that, I would envision myself having my name literally announced when coaches were reading the roster.
Lyndsey Fry:
I would visualize being on the ice in Sochi, I would visualize having a medal put around my neck. I would often visualize the end goal and that was really what, I think, motivated me every day of like, “Okay… ” it was that daily reminder of, “Okay. Why am I training so hard?”
Lyndsey Fry:
But then, day in and day out, I was obsessed about the process, arguably to a fault. But, I had a quote that I would write everywhere, which was, “Constant dripping hollows out a stone.” It was just that reminder that I may not see results today, tomorrow, next week, or in a month, but I’m going to see them in two months, five months, nine months down the road when I really need those results to kick in.
Lyndsey Fry:
As far as thinking about the process, I knew what I could control was the process. For me, personally, a lot of that came out in my training and my eating. I was really diligent about what I ate, which is never something I had ever focused on in my entire life before, but it was a controllable. I really focused in on that. Training, I just basically focused on… obviously, we had trainers in college, which was awesome. I focused on making sure I was locked in and trying to really maximize every single workout I was getting. But, when we would travel, literally, when we would get back, I wanted to just be an inch better than everybody else on my team. I wanted to be just a little bit better than every other college player. We’d get back from a two-game road trip and I’d hop on the bike after I unloaded my gear. Sometimes, it would be 1:00 in the morning. But, I’d hop on the bike just for 20, 30 minutes just to be able to feel like, “Hey, I put in an extra inch into this process. I did a couple extra drips on the stone today, I feel good.” I always had that end goal in the back of my mind. I always had the outcome in the back of my mind, but I became obsessed with the process.
Brian Cain:
Constant dripping hollows out a stone, and that sounds like somebody who is very philosophical. A part of mental performance, I think, is having a philosophy on how to train, how to live, and what you do and don’t do.
Lyndsey Fry:
It’s like, once you really understand this stuff, and you really study it, and you practice it in your daily life and have achieved something with it so you know that it actually works, I think it’s so much easier to recognize it and coach it. For me, in anything that I’ve led, whether it’s coaching a team, whether it’s leading our leadership team for the Kachinas, whatever it is, I think it’s really helped me help those people and I think it really helps me when I am leading especially.
Lyndsey Fry:
It’s some of the simple stuff, like getting people to take a step back and say, “Okay. Is that something that you can control? What you’re frustrated with right now or that person that you’re frustrated with, is that something you can control?” They sit there and they’re like, “Okay. Well, no.” It’s so interesting because I did a little… I don’t even want to call it a workshop. It was this casual conversation with my fiance who coaches lacrosse and her assistant coach. They were just yammering about all the things that they were so frustrated with with their team. I said, “Well, have… ” we just started getting into it. I was like, “Well, have you thought about controlling the controllables? Have you thought about really, as a coach, thinking about process-driven coaching, thinking about, “Hey, I’m not going to tell you go 100%. I’m going to tell you get 10 shots this half or this quarter.” I think, again, when it comes back to your question, how it’s shaped me, I think it’s just, when you understand it and you have an elite mindset yourself, I think it really enables you to get the most out of not only yourself but other people. I think that’s something that I’m super passionate about and I try to take into everything I do. It’s been great.
Gordon Bombay:
Julie, you got the fast glove. I know this kid’s move, triple deke, glove side. Anticipate it and you got it.
Julie Gaffney:
What if he goes stick side?
Gordon Bombay:
He’s fancy, he’ll go glove. Don’t hesitate, just go.
Speaker 7:
In a surprise move, Bombay has gone to his bench. He’s sending out Julie Gaffney to replace Goldberg. She’ll face Gunnar Stahl.
Greg Goldberg:
Go get him, Julie.
Brian Cain:
Lyndsey, if you were to talk to somebody like yourself, motivated athlete, wants to get to the next level, wants to achieve, and they face some adversity in life, whether it be in their sport, or in their personal life with the loss of a loved one or a friend, or any adversity that can show up for the college athlete, if they want to get to that next level, what would you tell them now knowing what you know that maybe you didn’t know when you were going through it about the benefits of mental performance coaching?
Lyndsey Fry:
I think one of the biggest things is to recognize that, oftentimes, adversity usually drives an emotional response, right? When Liz died, I felt sad, I felt grief, I felt all of these emotions. It doesn’t matter how hard you train. I could go and do a thousand pushups. It’s not going to change how sad I feel, that’s all mental.
Lyndsey Fry:
I think one of the biggest things I would tell people is, at the end of the day, no amount of physical training is going to help you overcome obstacles, frankly, like injuries. If you get hurt, yeah, you can do some rehab, you can do those things. But, all of the training that you put in, you still got hurt. How are you going to get through that? That’s all up here, that’s all up in your mind. If you have a coach sit you for a game because you weren’t playing well, no amount of skating after the game is going to help you get out of that, that’s all mental. I think just, for me, I would really walk through all the different adversities that an athlete’s facing and really just help them understand that, at the end of the day, a lot of their response to the adversity is up in their head, and that’s where they need to be coached to get better and get through that. I think that was one of the biggest things for me is recognizing that this has literally nothing to do with how hard I train and everything to do with how well I can be locked in with my mind.
Speaker 7:
Ducks win, Ducks win. Oh, I can’t believe it. The Ducks have come from behind to beat Iceland in a shootout in the championship game.
Brian Cain:
As they say, if you have a big enough reason why, you will always, always find a way how. Lyndsey Fry, your reason why drove you to the how of becoming an Olympic medalist, graduating from an Ivy League institution. You’re the hockey ambassador and the advisor to the president and CEO for the NHL’s Arizona Coyotes. You’re a member of the NHL’s first female hockey advisory committee. You were part of a team that brought professional women’s hockey players to Arizona. Tell me about your hopes for the future of women’s ice hockey.
Lyndsey Fry:
Whew. How much time do you have? There’s a lot. Right now, women’s ice hockey is in a pretty fragile state, if I’m being completely honest. We had two leagues last year. One of them shut down, that was the Canadian Women’s Hockey League. The other league stayed afloat, which is the National Women’s Hockey League. But, most of the elite players in the National Women’s Hockey League decided to protest and start up a different entity called the Professional Women’s Hockey Players Association. They’ve been traveling around the country on, what’s called, the Dream Gap Tour, promoting their product and fighting for a more viable, sustainable hockey league for women where they get paid and they get treated equally as professionals compared to the men.
Lyndsey Fry:
Honestly, I don’t know what the future holds. I think the reality is we are still a ways away from the women having a league that is totally comparable to the NHL. But, my hope, in the next five to 10 years, is we at least provide them something where they can make a livable wage and can truly feel like they are playing professional hockey. We’re not there yet. But, I think, at the end of the day, it’s going to take a lot of passionate, smart people who care deeply about the success of women’s hockey and about the success of girls’ and women’s sports as a whole, all having the conversations with each other to make it happen. I’m fortunate enough to be somewhat a part of those conversations in some of the roles that I’m in. We’ll see. But, I’m hoping, in the next five to 10, we have a legitimate league for these women.
Brian Cain:
Awesome. If there’s anybody that can help pull that off, we’re talking to her, it’s Lyndsey Fry, Olympic medalist, Harvard graduate. Lyndsey, the last question I have for you, if you could take the skull cap of everyone listening to this podcast right now and you could plant one seed inside of their brain and that one seed would germinate and take fruition inside of them, what would that one seed be that you would plant inside of the brain of the listeners of this podcast?
Lyndsey Fry:
Constant dripping hollows out a stone, man. I’m telling you, that is everything right there. At the end of the day, the root of that is consistency. Nothing good happens just doing something once and calling it a day. You have to be consistent day in and day out if you want to achieve anything in life, whether that’s in academics, whether that’s in your personal life, making sure you’re taking care of your relationships, or whether that’s in your sport or professional life. Constant dripping hollows out a stone, just a little a lot can go a long way. I hope the best for everybody listening.
Brian Cain:
Constant dripping hollows out a stone. It also channels into Olympic medals, Ivy League degrees, and the finish line of an Ironman race. What Lyndsey didn’t mention it is she’s also a triathlete who does Ironman Triathlons, Ironman Arizona finisher. Lyndsey, thanks for being with us. For the listeners, please check out fryhockey.com, that’s F-R-Y-hockey.com, to learn more about Lyndsey and her career. Be sure to connect with her on Twitter it’s @FryHockey, again, @-F-R-Y-hockey. Check out her podcast, The Lyndsey Fry Hockey Audio Experience. Lyndsey, thank you for making the time to be with us.
Lyndsey Fry:
Thank you, Brian, that was awesome. Had a lot of fun.
Brian Cain:
Thank you for listening to the Brian Cain Mental Performance Podcast on the Ironclad content network. If you liked this show, be sure to leave us a rating and a review. Don’t forget to follow me on Instagram and Twitter, @BrianCainPeak, that’s @-B-R-I-A-N-C-A-I-N-P-E-A-K. I’ll see you next time.
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